Step I

"We admitted we were powerless over Manic Depression, that our lives had become unmanageable."

As we begin to live our 12 Steps the first step asks us to admit our powerlessness over our bi-polar disease and to acknowledge our unmanageability caused by our bi-polar condition. It is important to realize we also have human failings, not part of our disease or caused by our condition, that all humanity has in common. We begin to realize as manic-depressives, or also known as bi-polars, through M.D.A. that we are spiritual beings living through a human experience.

Too often before we came to M.D.A. we blamed ourselves for our disease which we were in fact powerless over and which made our lives unmanageable. Is a diabetic led to beleive that their disease and it's associated mood swings are their fault? No. Yet, the powerlessness and unmanageability we experience during a manic episode or while experiencing suicidal thoughts or ideations, both manifestations or symptoms of our disease, during or after, we blame ourselves. Unlike those around the diabetic the people around us question us and blame us as well.

All this leads us to our bottom and in M.D.A. we learn to accept ourselves and admit our disease. We do this for ourselves, yet others around us gain a growing comfort level, as well as confidence, as we progress with our recovery. If we can just accept our condition this frees us up to grow and to live a new life, light years ahead of anything we've known before.

The unmanageability of a bi-polar individual earning 8 figures in the creative fields may differ from the unmanageability of the bi-polar individual who is on disability because of the scars of being no longer able to work. Yet in each case, and all cases in between,one can see the unmanageability of our disease, in our bottoms, hospitalizations and in countless other ways, if we are honest with ourselves and our disease.

Powerlessness and unmanageability are the bi-focus of step one. We experience the release that admitting that we were in fact Manic Depressive, brought to our lives. We no longer lived in denial and played games with whether or not we were bi-polar. This was hugely important, however we need to go further.

We need only look at our lives to sense the unmanageability of it. Again, we drop denial.

Having admitted both powerlessness and unmanageability, we have freed ourselves. Yet, as was mentioned, we need to go further. Acceptance of our disease needs to be achieved. Admitting and accepting are two distinct and separate actions. Why must we also accept our disease? Simply because admission is not enough. Acceptance is what will bring the serenity we are trying to achieve.

Still we go further. The 1st step involves surrender as well. By admitting and accepting we have made surrender possible. Surrender, as we experience it, involves the giving up of all pretense of control. We have no control! We are powerless! We surrender, knowing God will fill the void. By surrendering to our disease, we gain in our ability to get well. Until we admit, accept and surrender, we keep our higher power out. When we work this step our Higher Power is with us. The steps deflate ego and God fills us back up with the right stuff.

Living the first step brings many rewards. We not only accept our disease, we accept ourselves. It is vital we be good to ourselves. We also get the reward of the occasional moment or two of serenity. We have admitted we are Manic Depressives and it is no longer such a drag. We begin to see and feel that we are on the road toward achieving the vast potential we Manic Depressives share. We, is the first word in our steps. Together, We in M.D.A., love each other back to health. Love is the overriding emotion in everything we do. We work the first step together.